My sons found his lifelong best friend

The "pleasure maker", the "happiness stick", the "pork sword", "your bit", or simply "penis", whatever you call it is one of the unique things about being a male and in the past week, aged six months my son has found his.

When I say "found it" I am not implying that he ever lost it you understand I am simply inferring that he has discovered its existence much to Her Majesty's horror. As men we know the comfort factor that our little friend brings us, grabbing it is the first thing most men do upon waking up and its the last thing we probably touch before falling asleep. Its a multi functional tool too. We remove bodily waste using it, and we get our good ladies pregnant using it, finally according to many ladies we also tend to think with it most of the time. Men understand all of this, women sadly don't. Ask a man about his thoughts on his penis and watch a warm glow appear on his face, ask a woman her thoughts on her breasts and get ready for a slap. Its what makes us different.

So when bathing young Mitchell last Monday night you can imagine the difference in reaction as he reached down and gave it a good old tug. I had a proud father moment, and next to me was a look of shock especially when he grabbed it for the third time and smiled broadly as he had done so on each of the prior occasions. "Yes my boy you have realised that you are a man!"

Now in talking with friends over the weekend it appears that a little boys fondness for his little boy does not go away and if anything increases through toddlership. The mother was still mortified as she explained the frequency of touch and pull, the father and I shared a knowing nod of the head, Her Majesty rolled her eyes back as if to say "so this is a glimpse of our future", yes my dear it is, so best learn to roll with it......

A toast to being a man!

  

Travelling Father

As part of my so called 9-5 I have to travel quite a bit and the past few weeks has seen this really come to the fore. First of all I had a week at HQ in Belgium that saw me away for four nights, two of which were on British Airways. Then five days later I headed off to Dubai and Saudi Arabia for nine days. Back to back trips that were certainly not my choice but had to be done. There are some interesting things that one learns and that come out of such trips though so lets go through them;

• Leaving is always the hardest part not only for you the traveler but also your spouse. I have found that its best just to be dropped at the "drop and go" section of the airport and get it out of the way. I also generally take Kim out for breakfast or lunch if the nanny is around
• The first flight is tough but once you land you get into the swing of things. The same seems to be true of your spouse. I have also been on the other end of the traveling arrangement and the sooner the stay at home spouse can get into a normal routine the better
• Technology is great. I make a plan regardless of time zones to FaceTime or Skype at least once a day and back this up with calls and sms's. Maintaining contact is key
• You will miss little steps if your child is young like mine. This is normal just be sure that you celebrate them when you get home
• Coming home is tough, adjustments will have to be made. The stay at home spouse will generally have gotten into a routine and this changes with your routine, accept this. Meanwhile I generally find that after international trips involving over night flights it takes me two to three days to recover. Unfortunately you just have to accept it and find a way to deal with it yourselves as there is no one size fits all solution.

Ultimately more than anything trust plays a huge part in the relationship with your spouse. Trust that the traveler will call, be ready to answer calls, show respect to the stay at home spouse. Trust that the stay at home spouse will do their best for the child but call if they need help or an ear.

Traveling away from a family is tough, but is also a fact of life these days. How you handle it is up to you but can be a lot easier than hard if you approach it the right way.

Lowest common denominator or challenge to be the best?

Yesterday I had one of those flights that you want to go on forever, you get someone in the seat next to you that you just want to chat to for the next few hours. Unfortunately for me this was a 50min hop from Brussels to London as I made my way back to Cape Town.

The topic of discussion was excellence vs mediocrity at schools in the UK. The person I sat next to was saying that at Sports Days in UK schools there are no longer any winners but instead everyone gets a medal for participating. Seriously!! It seems that it is stretching beyond the school field too. So the discussion revolved around reducing everyone to the lowest common denominator vs supporting our children to aim to be the best and it was deeply concerning.

As a parent I want my son to have the best and work hard for it. As an adult I am acutely aware that the general rule of thumb is effort in, results out i.e. if you work hard you should in theory be a success and reap the associated rewards at everything you do. I learned this at school. While during sports days the other kids had had a shower by the time I finished a 100m running race when it came to the swimming pool it was a role reversal as I loved swimming and grafted hard at it. So I learned that effort = rewards, that you cannot be No1 in everything, failure is a fact of life and how you deal with it makes you stronger.

So by hearing that there can no longer be any winners and that everyone has to be a winner so we don't harm a childs self worth is alarming to me. It also seems that the shrinks have taken over schools.

The question for me as a parent and adult is this. What do I want the 25 year old version of my 6 month old son to look like and become? Its a deep question and almost hypothetical question as anything is possible. However I, along with my wife of course, can right now build serious foundations that will stand him in good stead. For me, through our actions we have to teach him the effort in = results out equation without any doubt. If mummy trains hard, eats right, and sacrifices she can run Comrades marathon and win medals at the Masters Nationals Swimming Championships each year. Daddy by working hard, giving his all, sacrificing his own time can have a successful career and be a winner there i.e. if you apply yourself you can achieve. Through this of course will come failures and a second equation comes into play; failures = failure if not reacted to correctly i.e. you will fail, accept it, but deal with it and turn it into a success.

So the real question is "are we doing more harm that good by bringing everyone down to one level rather than showing all that there are winners and loosers in life but the only loosers are those who don't learn why they lost and react to it correctly?" Deep I know but I prefer the second part.

Parents engage with your child!

The other day I had a meeting at my second office also known as Vide e Cafe at Belevedere Square with a supplier. While we were having said meeting both of us became distracted at the lack of engagement between parents and child.

Now being a working parent myself I understand the concept of being on call 24/7 and I appreciate that work doesn't really care for half terms and school holidays but please if you are going to spend time with your children then at least engage with them. I'll explain why.

Case one - +/-4 year old child sat eating a cupcake while fixated with a kids tablet while her parent was immersed in her iPad and had zero engagement with the child

Case two - parent spend the whole thirty minutes on their phone walking around the cafe while the child desperately tried to get their attention by following them. The poor kid was told on more than a few occasions to "sit down and behave" ummmmmm right

Case three - baby cried in her pram for ten minutes non stop while her parent ignored her and was totally engaged with Facebook on her phone

Now for sure I don't know the full reasons for such lack of interactions but it still shocked me. What are we teaching children? what are the examples we are setting? Surely this time together would have benefited both parties through interaction with each other, creating and maintaining a bond and sharing some quality time?

My worry is that we have become so obsessed with our devices that we are forgetting about the little people right in front of us that in my humble opinion are so much more fun to play with.

So now Kim and I have set a new house rule while Mitch is still young. If you are with him the devices are off and on silent in the case of the phone. We had him for a reason and the best gift we can give is to make sure he knows he is loved and that we want to spend time with him. Devices can wait, our sons life cannot

Rant over!

My son has his own health team

Kids are spoiled these days I'm convinced about it. Let's look at communications, sit in any coffee shop and every three year old and their dog has an iPhone 5 and can be heard asking their parents for a 6, I have a 4 and am happy. When I was growing up we had one fixed line and I had to beg to use it. Kids!

Now I come to healthcare. Here I am aged 37 and I have a GP who I might see maybe once a year if he's unlucky. I also have a physio that I occasionally see if I've overdone the running. And finally a chiropractor who whips me into shape when I've screwed my back up by over exerting myself by say mowing the lawn. Now I come to my dearly beloved son Mitchell aged almost six months.

Mitch, bless his cotton socks that never stay on, has a full team of healthcare practitione looking after him and it costs me a bloody fortune and a day a week of our time. First we have our rock and his best friend Hedi the Paediatrician. Legend of a woman and first call always. Next on the list is the nursing sister Penny who happens to be the sister of Robyn one of the ward sisters at the hospital Mitch has spend too much time at. Next on the list is Anna his chiropractor! Yes not six months old and he has his own chiro. Finally we have the latest addition to the team Kath the Paediatric Nutritionist who by the way I blog for at www.nutripaeds.co.za shameless plug but hey this is my blog......

We see each of these fine ladies once a month and are in almost weekly contact with them. Does he realize the financial or time cost? I swear to god he must think that he's the son of Brangelina! It's crazy. When I was reading the definitive guide to being a parent I got the impression that babies sleep, eat and crap in no particular order. Boy were they wrong because if that was the case I'd still have money and zero medical bills, perhaps I should offer to rewrite the book?

Oh just to make things even more fun Mitch as started to teethe so I'm just waiting for the Paediatric dentist appointment and bills to enter my life.

Seriously, seriously seriously how much attention does the man need!

The moment it arrives

You know there really are some things that you can never be prepared for and becoming a father is one of these things. One minute you are a family of two the next you are three. Becoming a father means different things to different people, to me it was a moment of responsibility, of standing up to be counted. To others it's a deeply emotional experience. I never had that wail with joy experience, god dammit I'm British! Stiff upper lip ole chap!! What I did feel though was a deep sense of love for Kim my long suffering wife. Together we are in this until we die now so our love needs to be stronger than ever.

Unlike many we went for the sun roof option of birth rather than pushing it out of the trap door. Ours was a health decision to ensure the safety of Kim who had had a shocker of a pregnancy. Being totally selfish as a man I preferred the sunroof option as it to me seems more controlled and predictable.

Of course out came little Mitchell Corey Edwards kicking and screaming, a happy little chap then! Being six weeks premature he was whisked straight off to icu, so was Kim who had an epidural due to her being allergic to most pain meds known to man.

The day was mostly a blur and a rush, however the evening was long as I celebrated with way to many cool drinks to remember much about it. Being surrounded by joy and my closest friends was simply awesome and now the journey starts.

A lesson in business

For those of you who physically know me you know that I'm a Marketing manager when I choose to actually work, and for those of you who don't physically know me well I've just told you what I do when I choose to work. So for me a lot of the fun with this pregnancy has been the unexpected business lesson I have received. In all honesty if someone had said that I'd get an MBA in Marketing just by her maj having a gluten free bun in the oven I would have belly laughed at them, but its what I'm getting and I expect to pass "cum laude" at this rate.

On our first trip to the gynie we are presented with a "congratulations package" with our sizable invoice. It contains a photo album from a stretch mark oil company (thanks Bio oil), a pack of Pampers nappies, some baby wipes (ideal for me to mop my brow when decorating the baby room), a hand towel, a bunch of discount vouchers, and some sponsored guide/how to books.

That weekend we head to do our monthly grocery shop and are stood positively crapping ourselves (pardon the pun) in the nappy aisle while we compute how much we'll be spending on shit disposal for the next few years when a delightful young, and not unattractive, sole approaches us. "Are you expecting?..... great what sex is it?.... oh you don't know, well here have one of each...." and presents us with blue and pink branded photo frames, thank you Huggies.

We then head to Baby City, which as an aside I have made the beneficiary of my monthly salary payment as I figure it will save my bank account from acting as nothing more than a middle man. It was the same thing, we bought one pack of nappies but came out with enough stuff that we needed a trolley.....each! More freebies than the opposition get when playing the Stormers at Newlands.

On top of this Dischem have given us a baby bag packed full of goodies (Clicks are too tight apparently), and our Medical Aid company Discovery have done the same which now explains why they can only afford to pay out 10% of the so called "medical aid rate" every time my dodgy knee needs a little nip and tuck. We are literally overburden with free useful stuff that until a few months ago we didn't know was useful.

Now where am I going with this you cry. Well lets get to the point. In the short time "we" have been preggers my office has been turned into a warehouse of branded goods that we have not paid for and by doing so "we" (royal we you understand) have decided which brand of pretty much everything we will be buying, sorry Huggies the cheap plastic photo frames were just too cheap for her maj's liking. And this is the point. As a pregnant couple you are seen as a total cash cow that is prime for a dammed good milking every day of your life henceforth. So what these very clever people know is that if they get you now they own your back pocket going forward so what they aim to do is cruise missile you from the get go and I love their thinking. 

Now if only I could find a pregnant person to bombard with prison fencing......devil child that needs locking in a room anyone?