The fetal test

We just hit 12 weeks pregnant which means its time to go and get everything checked out at the fetal clinic. As no surprise to anyone this cost, a lot, but like the rest of the expenses is required. I have a feeling that this will be the story of the rest of my life.

So the big thing with a fetal assessment is that its scary as hell. I mean until now the worry has been "lets get through the miscarriage danger zone" and at 12 weeks you are kind of over that hurdle and relaxing a bit. Now comes the fetal test where you find out if it has downs syndrome or any other major defects which lets be honest is scary.

So after being given a statistics lesson, which we passed apparently, it was time to take a peak. Its like a second hand car AA assessment "a comprehensive 144 point check where we look at the water behind the neck, blood flow, arms, legs, make sure the body is functioning. And theres more......we can see if its a chic or dick!" Ok lets just say that even if we didn't want to know the sex you would have had to have been wearing a blindfold not to see that appendage "thank you grandad!" I even had it measured, 10% of his overall body length! Can't remember much else about the assessment as I was too busy trying to work out that if my bit was 10% of my 6ft 4ins length how long it would actually be, I quit doing the maths before I reached the conclusion that I would just make myself feel inferior due to my current girth and what it could be.

So the rest of the test, well her maj tells me it was all good and that he was touching his toes, bastard I can't even see my toes these days let alone touch them, and he was doing a happy dance. My other vague memories are of how bloody impressive the technology is. Seriously this stuff is immense. Seeing the blood flow in your snot gobblers brain, counting ribs, seeing the kidneys empty the bile, well its spellbinding.

I fully woke up from my semi-haze of course when we had to divert a mortgage payment to the receptionist to pay for the assessment. I have a feeling we might not be the most generous on the Christmas present front this year. I also get the impression that I might not get any camera equipment but a load of baby clothes. Oh joy to the world.